I found this work of genius *cough* via a somethingawful “Awful Link of the Day”. Apparently, the author(s) of thissite are calling for massive world reform with the decriminalisation or Lysergic Acid Diethylamide or “LSD” as it’s known on the “street”. The first thing that pops up when you load this page (apart from the god awful sound byte) is a quote by a band called “The Outlaws”, who I suspect to be international terrorists (their name gives it away). But before I reported this site to my local ASIO branch, which is conveniently located in the rubbish bins outside my house with all their bugging equipment, I decided that it might be a good idea to scroll down and read for a bit.

Boy was that a mistake. I saw my beloved hammer and sickle on the screen but something was wrong. Yes folks, it was pink. No longer would this proud symbol of Communo-Socialism be displayed yellow on red for the entire world to see. It was sitting there in all its fagtastic, pink glory, pink.

Laughing My Arse Off

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but the last time I checked, Chairman Mao was not ever a Soviet Leader. I’m sure that his good buddy Josef invited him over for Vodka and fried Cossacks every once in a while, but he was never actually a Soviet Citizen. So what in the name of The Great Father of the Peoples is a Mao Ze-Dong quote doing atop a hammer and sickle? It’s something that Mao had to say about revolution, and for some reason LSD is what it’s being applied to. I never knew that Mao was a child of the flower power era and that he so openly endorsed the use of psychotropic drugs (although I’m sure he and Josef threw some wild parties).

So once I got past the shocking graphics and the inconsistencies in history and philosophy, I started reading the rest of the page. It appears that our friend here graduated with flying colours from the Gene Ray school of HTML and Web Design. This is what happens when you leave a fifteen year old unattended with a tab of LSD, a history textbook from 1971 and a copy of OpenOffice (ha, irony). The bright colours might appeal to me if I was tripping. Hell, I might even have felt compelled to write an email to him saying something along the lines of “hey man, spread the love”.

But I’m not a raver, or a hippy. And I’m not an anarchist either. But there’s something about badly designed web pages with political “content” that just screams “I have no idea what I’m talking about, please ignore me”. I don’t know if this is how the rest of you feel about similar sites, but that’s inconsequential as I’m completely egocentric. After scrolling past the randomly sized “The Doors” lyrics, we end up with a disclaimer and the rest of the usual things you can expect to find at the bottom of a webpage written by a young teenager.

I decided to go the “not main” page and have a bit of a look around. It seems he’s getting better with his colour schemes though. He’s appropriately chosen yellow on red, and it’s a little easier to read than his daisy filled front page. He starts talking about the lies of capitalism and how AmeriKKKa has violated that which its founding fathers gave it, equality. Now, while I’m all for human rights, I don’t think attacking the government and calling them “unconstitutional” without being able to back it up proves anything other than that this character is a few Mensheviks short of a revolution. Once again we are greeted with the lyrics to a song, this time it’s by Pink Floyd. Either this person is a 40 year old who’s doing a damn good job at pretending to be someone a third of their age, or they’re a teenager who went through their dad’s 8-track collection. The rest of this page is a tribute to the “paste” function, and just repeats the same sort of thing over and over again.

This man’s mind could have been saved with proper use of an Aluminium Foil Helmet™

I then decided to click the link about George Orwell’s “1984”, or the “Sensationalist’s guide to Aluminium Foil Helmets”. Black on white text is a damn sight easier to read than the rest of the site so far, but that doesn’t mean that the words on the page don’t make my eyeballs bleed just by looking at them. Most of the start of the page is name-dropping as much as possible, copying and pasting blocks of text from the previous page, and pseudo-religious babble about the Jews and Satan. Once you get past all of that, he starts talking about corrupt governments inside books, works of fiction nonetheless. Saying that Orwell’s government is corrupt is like saying that the sky is blue. If I wanted to read this sort of blatant statement of the obvious, I’d go and read something along the lines of “My trip to the Zoo”, at least “The Lion’s teeth are sharp” will teach me something.

Seeing as there was no link to the “Bear Market” page on the black and white page, I decided to backtrack until I could find a link. It didn’t take long, as it’s all over the first three pages. I expected some sort of bleeding obvious reference to the Soviet Union being represented by a Bear (similar to how the British were represented as a Bulldog), but alas there was nothing of the sort. This inability to draw the simplest conclusions based on well-known pictorial representation disappoints me. He seems to be able to make all sorts of complex links between macroeconomics, the US constitution and Mao Ze-Dong, but he can’t quite grasp the little things such as “High supply + Low demands = Flooded Market”.

With my spirits weakened, I decided to find out why it was that the 60s failed. I was under the assumption that it was because everyone was tripping on LSD (which still hasn’t reappeared on the site by this stage) and was too drug fucked to vote for a decent president. It seems that it was the Right Wing Republicans that killed the spirit of the 60s. “Reagan was right wing republican party, Nixon was the fucking devil, and he was right wing republican party”. Maybe we should dig up Reagan and Nixon and slap them on the wrists for being such naughty little boys and not running America in the 60s the way that little brats in the early 21st century (who can’t even put their point across without resorting to yelling) think that they should have. Even the most boneheaded of Presidents knows more about running a country than the average Gung-ho “Socialist” does. You can read all you want, sonny Jim. But all that theoretical knowledge doesn’t equate to a sack of shit when you’re talking about running a global power.

Unfortunately, I was misled about the site’s contents through the first page. This site really has very little to do with LSD and I’m assuming that the author is just throwing TLA’s (three letter acronyms) around as if LBJ and JFK have NFI about WTF is going on. While I could stay all day and read this badly assembled web page that can’t decide if it’s Anti-Right, Pro-drug or a Lyrics site, I’ve got better things to do with my time; such as go to bed and dream of little red sheep jumping the border into Austria only to be slaughtered mercilessly.