| The CD player in my car has recently taken up the habit of coughing back out every CD I try to put in it and telling me to "Check CD" on its little console despite there's nothing wrong with the CD itself. Since hurling obscenities at it doesn't seem to help I'll have to take it back in to the dealer since it should still be covered under my warranty. If for some reason it isn't I will kill everyone in the dealership, I fucking swear to god. Since my CD player is mentally handicapped now I decided to do something I never usually do, turn on the radio. I'm aware that the radio rarely plays anything good, but desperate times demand desperate actions. As I scanned through the FM band three times. Three times. Three fucking times and all I heard was talk, commercials and country western. When comparing those options to listening to my cars wheels hit a pothole every two seconds, I'll take the holes. So I tried the AM band hoping that I could some classical music that I could tolerate. The AM band consisted entirely of talk, commercials and Evangelists. I scanned the entire AM band four times. Four times. Four fucking times. I tried the FM band once more, finally I found something that was tolerable. 105.9 THE X was playing some Rage Against the Machine. While it wasn't my first choice it was far better than the rest of the shit poisoning the airwaves. After THE X played Rage's little diddy for me, they for some reason decided I needed to be punished. I don't know how exactly I did to THE X's DJ. Maybe I flamed him on the zgeek forums at some point, I just don't know, but the DJ's punishment was swift and severe. The DJ announced, "NEW MUSIC FIRST, BLINK 182". "Well I've heard of them, how bad could it be?", I said to myself, when instead I should have been smashing open my car stereo with an axe to stop the horrible sounds that were about to emit from my speakers. I could deal with the mundane drum beat. I could even deal with the amateurish guitar and bass medley. Then, the lyrics. The horrible, horrible lyrics. Imagine what kind of sound Gilbert Godfry would make if he was shot in the stomach with a harpoon gun. It was kind of like that. I have never heard a human being make such nasal whining sound without using a kazoo. After that I switched back to AM and found that evangelist. The rest of the way to work I screamed back at him, "FUCK YOU! THERE IS NO GOD! IF GOD EXISTED BLINK 182 WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO INFLICT SUCH HORRORS ON PEOPLE!" Fuck Blink 182. Fuck THE X and fuck Pittsburgh radio stations, you all suck, fuck you.
|
