It seems our good friend Kleph has come into some cash flow problems and he needs AIDS. (That's Aid from multiple people.) For those of you that don't know Kleph you should damn well start getting to know him, as he it the kind of friend that probably won't steal your wallet and will most likely not try to rape you while you sleep. So I urge you to help an American who's down on his luck and visit http://www.kleph.com/blog/ and help this chap out, your alternative is certain death.

Kleph shouldn't have to live here.

About a year ago Kleph was deported from the United States and since Canada refused to accept him he ended up in the only country left where he wasn't indited for horse theft or illegal stem cell research in Egyptian dung beetles. Since then Kleph has spent his time searching for King Solomon's lost mine, which most people think is in Africa, but Kleph says he has important evidence that he found on one of the place mats at Pedro's Chicken Shack that points to the mines true location being somewhere in Peru. When Kleph isn't defiling Peruvian historical landmarks in search of King Solomon's lost mine, he does important missionary work such as teaching the children of Peru how to follow the teachings of Wicca and introducing "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" to many of them the first time. He also teaches people how to speak English and educates them on all the important cuss words that they'll need to get by in any American city they would wish to visit.

Someone who is doing this kind of important work should be able to afford the finer things in life like "Hungry Man" frozen dinners and not those shitty "Swanson" ones. Kleph hasn't been able to afford himself the luxuries that you and I have and has long since given up on traditional drugs like heroin. It's really sad to see someone who was supporting a five crack rock a day habit degrade himself to huffing paint thinner out of a paper bag, but Kleph is a survivor and I know that with a little help from us he can make it through this tough time and become an just as big of a crack head as he was. No, an even bigger crack head.

Born to a French-Canadian lumberjack nick named Spaz and a Female Eskimo Pro Surfer named Elvira, Kleph grew up in a secluded area in the Rocky Mountains. An area so secluded in fact that it doesn't even exist on most maps and is said by some to have been completely made up, possibly by me. From a young age Kleph was always fond of the book learning and while other children his age were detonating frogs with M80's he was reading such classics as "White Fang", "Call of the Wild" and "Hustler Vol. 7, 1983". It was from these books that Kleph found his love for mining, whether it be for gold, gems or hardcore Internet filth. Kleph didn't care as long as he could get his hands dirty.

Kleph needs money to get a taxi ride home after a hard night of paint thinner huffing.

Growing up Kleph had a rough life. He took it upon himself to "smite evil where ever he found it", a daunting and ambitious task for a four year old to be sure, but even at that age when Kleph set his mind to something there's not much that can stop him from achieving his goals. In fact it took roughly ten years in a psych ward to stop him until he eventually escaped. Unable to return home because of constant police surveillance, Kleph set out on his own at the impressionable age of 15 to pursue his two loves in life, mining and human taxidermy. He thought he could combine his two favorite pastimes with a career in grave robbing however it was quickly learned that a few pawned wedding rings didn't pay much. To make ends meet he pursued a career in an even shadyer profession, freelance reporting.

Like pimpin', being a freelance reporter isn't easy. Certainly not as easy as mining, nor is it as prestigious. But it does pay the bills and it's a step above whoring yourself for money, at least in some social circles. Combining the income he received for the "Bat Boy" related stories he wrote for the Weekly World News and the money he scammed from elderly widows he was able to travel the world running from the law and always searching for pristine mining opportunities.

Now in Peru, Kleph has the information he needs to fulfill his lifetime dream, but he needs your help. Go here now and do your part to bring a ray of mining happiness to someone who's had a difficult life.