Every so often I do a search on google to see if anyone is ripping off content from Trephination and posting it. And someone usually is and it's always on some shitty live journal or more recently, heinous myspace pages. And it's from myspace comes Indiana Justin and his blinding web site. Justin decided that The Historical History of History was too good to wallow in the forgotten halls of the Trephination archives and wanted it to wallow in the halls of his exploded septic tank of a blog as well. I actually don't care if someone wants to post something I've written but at least have the fucking courtesy to link back to where you found it. If you don't, well..... that's why I have Lionel Hand's retainer. That isn't a typo, I'm holding Lionel's retainer hostage so he can sue the bajesus out of Internet scum like Indiana Justin for me.
Dear Indiana Justin, While browsing on the Internet web sites I came across your web based page and I have to say that I was impressed by it. I was so impressed in fact that I immediately forwarded it to my dear friend Missy McDigglestien. While I myself found your site to have the same mystery and intrigue and the shock and awe of being raped by a unicorn, Missy wasn't as impressed. She responded to me with the message, "What is this massive spastic bag of shit? It looks like everything on that page was ripped off someone else's site and hurled onto a trash compactor, including one of the articles I wrote back in August of 2002. That fag." The message was something like that, but I don't think she actually called you a fag, that was me. Anyway, Missy wasn't very happy about seeing her article entitled "The Historical History of History" listed on your myspace page. It might have had something to do with her being on the rag, and to make matters worse I had fed all of her pamprin to some ducks last week in the hopes that they would explode. (They didn't.) As Missy legal representative it falls on my meaty shoulders to inform you that Missy has decided to press charges against you. She requested that you take down the article you plagiarized from her or at the very minimum make your page less spastic on a magnitude of greater than ten. She also wants me to "sue you for every penny you're worth" which I calculate based on your web design skills as being three pennies. Please send three cents to: Lionel Augustus Hand Sr.
Hand and Foot Law Offices
P.O. Box 2498
Pittsburgh, UP YOURS THEIF 152FUCK-OFF Sincerely,
Lionel Augustus Hand Sr.
Hand and Foot Law Offices |
That seemed like a perfectly reasonable settlement to me. Hell, Lionel usually demands a soul or two as part of his settlements unless he really likes whoever he's unleashing his legal attack dogs on. But, Lionel knows how to get the job done and before you knew it all of Indiana Justin's blog entries disappeared, which probably means that all of them were stolen. In their place was this message.... | first of all lionel ur a fag.sounds like u have nothin better to do then search through people s pages and talk shit u salad tossing faget.i posted this article i found on the internet.thought it was very interesting and funny.well fag boy found it on my page and claimed that he new the person who wrote it.and sent it to that person.which i have never took credit for writing.but this asshole actually said i was commiting pergery.and then said he and her wanted to sue me.this coming from a guy who wont put a pic up cause his mother thinks he looks like a stool sample.then preceded to leave an adress for me to send him 3 cents.he said thats how much my page was worth.dam guy im crushed why so harsh u ripped on a fuckn internet page u fuckn loser.get a life or some friends i dont no do somethin jack off so u dont have to spend all day looking for people to talk shit to u fuck.so anyways i did take it down cause i dont feel like having to argue about some stupid ass article.so lionel if u want to pursue legal matters or ur little girlfriend does go ahead.u guys act like im making money off the shit so in closing why dont u go bury ur fuckin head in the sand and have ur little girlfriend put on a strap on and preceed to fuck u in the ass u fuckn chump stain |
To be honest Justin, you got a couple of things wrong there. Actually you got a whole shit of things wrong, but to be specific Lionel never said that your web site was worth three cents. He said that you were worth three cents. Kudos on hitting one of Lionel's favorite sexual positions on the head though. | Dear Indiana Justin, I have good news. Based on your spelling and the fact that your legal vernacular seems to have come solely out of an episode of Law and Order your parents made you watch back in 96 before your dad hocked the TV for booze money, I've reevaluated your lifes worth. According to my calculations you're now no longer worth three cents, but instead, negative four cents. Which means that I now owe you money. Please give me your address so I may send you the four cents which you can combine with your existing nest egg to make yourself essentially worthless. I must say that both I and Missy are pleased as punch with the way you've so far complied with our demands. I'm sure your compliance with the legal fury of the justice system will further benefit you the next time someone accuses you of plagiarism, or as you call it, "pergery". I'm so delighted in fact that I'm adding you as a friend. You're a rising star Indiana Justin, and I'll consider it a privilege to count myself in your list of undoubtedly numerous friends. (Zero is a number, therefore it is numerous.) I look forward to many long and insightful conversations with you in the future. Your newest and best friend,
Lionel Augustus Hand |
| wow get a life u stupid douche |
| Dear Indiana Justin, That's exactly what I'm trying to do! I long to live vicariously through you. You seem to me to have everything going on. With your bustling myspace page and your misshapen head, what's not to envy? Kisses,
Lionel (YOUR BEST FRIEND) Augustus Hand |
| Invalid Friend ID.
This user has either cancelled their membership, or their account has been deleted. |
Poor Lionel, he's lost yet another myspace friend. If you need him for anything, he'll be in the bathroom cutting himself. (It's had to shave with Parkinson's.)
|
